My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
