Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
