I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
