Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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