how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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