we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
