Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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