you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
