wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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