If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
