i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
