I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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