I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
