Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
