no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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