I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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