Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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