I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
