he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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