Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
