My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I touched a dick in church today
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
