Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
