I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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