Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
