hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
what is it with giant penises always finding me
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
