dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I love having hate sex.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
