i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
