I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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