dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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