2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
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