they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
