I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
