There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
