Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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