i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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