i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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