We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
