Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
