i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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