What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
