Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
