i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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