sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
