I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
