I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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