Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
