Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
