Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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