I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
