So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Randomize
