I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
