Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
