O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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