she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
