You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
