I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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