Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
