So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
