I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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