the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
