My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
