I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
