i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
