I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
