Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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