so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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