You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
love makes seman taste better
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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