ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
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