Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
