I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
